The (ahem) Date! **REVISED**
by Sugar Baby1
Summary: For NON-YAOI LUVERS! Heero goes on a first date with Relena, to his dismay, (But don't worry, he enjoys himself in the end) And well...it doesn't go as planed. But what would you expect when you date a Gundam Pilot names Heero Yuy!! **REVISED VERSION**


Authors Note: Hello! This is Sugar Baby. This is the *REVISED* version of "The (ahem) Date." Last time I wrote this it was pretty bad. Just look at one of the reviews from the older version. It was kind of mean. I'm currently working on another story. It's going to be called "Peace Never Lasts." I think it's my best work ever! So sit back and enjoy reading my *REVISED* version of "The Ahem Date."  
  
Warning: CHARACTERS ARE WAY OOC!! This is not the way they usually act!  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.  
  
  
  
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Date Gone (ahem) WRONG!!  
  
AC199  
  
The boys and gang are 19!!  
  
  
  
Heero Yuy was sitting quietly at his kitchen table starring blankly at the only source of noise in the room. A chatterbox named Duo Maxwell. Heero's 'best friend.' He was going on and ON about his date with Hilde the other night and how "…exceptionally perfect, it was..." as he was saying. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had spared Heero the details. Heero's eye was continually twitching by total annoyance and lack of patience burning in his brain. "...And than she was all like 'Why don't you sit on the bed with me Duo?' and I was all like 'Sure'…"  
  
"DUO!" Heero couldn't take it anymore. "I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't blab on about your sex life! I DON'T need to hear it!" A vain was now popping out of his head.  
  
Duo, who always got the pleasure of making Heero mad said, "Well excuse me mister 'I don't want to hear it cause I know I can't do it'" Duo's smirk became even bigger at seeing the look on Heero's face *it is too easy! *  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Heero said turning from Duo and sticking his nose in the air.  
  
"Oh get over your-self. You haven't been on a single date since AC197 and that was for a MISSION for crying out loud!"  
  
"What has that got to do with my personal LIFE? A person can survive without having sex before they're 20.of course you wouldn't know that would you." Heero said, standing up and pointing an accusing finger at the other man.  
  
"Well I can't help it if ladies find me attractive and charming" Duo said defensively. "You know what? I think you're just too afraid to ever have a girl friend. Look, buddy, all you got to do is go out there and show some ladies you're…er…charm hehe." Dou laughed nervously. Heero was not the most social guy.  
  
"Is that it? You think I'm scared to ask a girl out, Duo?" He was really getting pissed now.  
  
"Well…maybe it's not that. It might just be that you...cant...er…show a girl a...uh…good…um…time…" Duo stuttered. Seeing Heero's unnaturally red face, he thought. *Maybe I shouldn't have said that…* Too late. He was pinned to the floor in seconds.  
  
"I CAN BE JUST AS CHARMING, SOCIALABLE AND NICE AS ANY GUY! I'LL SHOW YOU! I'LL SHOW EVERYONE THAT HEERO YUY CAN ASK A GIRL OUT ON A DATE!!" Getting up, he walked over to the phone and called the first girl he could think of, Relena. *She'll be perfect. She likes me and I...think she's nice. Perfect! *  
  
*Crap. * Duo thought seeing whom he was dialing. 'Poor, poor Relena.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Relena's House (um...mansion)  
  
Relena was in the middle of watching her favorite TV-show when…  
  
*RING RING RING*  
  
'Darn' She sighed and got up to answer the phone and was very surprised to find out how it was. "Heero! Oh its great to hear from..."  
  
"Yah, yah, yah, now shut-up and listen. Do you want to go out this Friday night?"  
  
"Yah sure, sounds..."  
  
"Fine, I'll pick you up at 6:30 than. Bye." ::Click::  
  
"...Bye"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Friday night  
  
6:30pm  
  
Relena's Driveway  
  
Heero stepped out of his black BMW and took a deep breath. "This is going to be a perfect evening even if it kills me." Heero said to himself. "I'll show that Duo." He added, mumbling. "I'll show them all."  
  
Stepping in a pile of dog poop he didn't notice, he made his way up the driveway. Heero let out a very noticeable yawn when Relena opened the door. He nicely, well for him anyway, said "hi" and handed her a bouquet of red roses. He had not slept in 3 days since he first made the bet with Duo, trying to find research for his 'date.'  
  
"Thank you so much Heero. Oh, would you like to come in." Relena said sweetly and tenderly to Heero. Heero blinked…  
  
Before he could stop himself however he was lead into an incredibly big house with an incredibly nice living room. "Sit down and make yourself at home. I'll only be a few minutes." She left the living room and noticed tracks of what looked like green mud leading into the living room. *Hm…I wonder how this got here. Oh well, I'll just call Mary to pick it up. * "Mary! OH MARY! I need you to clean something." She yelled her voice echoing through the incredibly big house, more commonly known as a mansion.  
  
A plump maid with a black and white uniform walked in with a very annoyed look on her face. "Yes ma'am" she said through gritted teeth. She had just been working on the TV room, bedroom and kitchen and was now heading for the dining room.  
  
"Mary do you mind picking this up. I think my date might have stepped in some mud outside." Mary looked down and saw the 'mud' at Relena's feet and sighed. She knew it was dog poop.  
  
*What an idiot. * "Right away your majesty" She mumbled sarcastically. *I need a vacation. *  
  
*She needs a vacation* Relena thought, ignoring the sarcastic comment. "Great! Now I'll just put these flowers in a vase." And she walked off, leaving the maid to her work.  
  
(This is NOT a Relena-bashing story. I repeat! This is NOT a Relena-bashing story)  
  
~*~*~  
  
Mean while  
  
Heero sat, quietly going over the plans for that night. *Lets see, first we'll go to a movie. That movie 'Jeepers Creepers' looks good. Yah, she'll like that. (By the way Jeepers creepers is a horror movie) Than it's off at that French restaurant for some dinner and dancing. And than a romantic walk through the park. * Heero smirked. Everything was perfect.  
  
He was so busy in thought that he didn't notice the other soul in the room looking over his newspaper at him. The man was named Millyardo Peacecraft. As he saw Heero smirking, he decided to speak up. " SO!" He said more loudly than necessary and grinning as Heero jumped. "Taking my little sister out on a date, huh?" His face went from pretend friendliness to dark and vicious. "Well you just better watch it, Yuy. If you lay but one finger on her, I swear I'll..."  
  
"Oh put a lid on it Zechs!" Heero interrupted, rolling his eyes. Duo said he was going to be an obstacle.  
  
"What did you say?" Zechs growled, standing up.  
  
"I was merely telling you to SHUT UP! You're only like that cause I kicked your butt in the war and come on! You're not even her father."  
  
"Hey I let you win that last battle, so there." Zechs said, crossing his arm and sticking his nose in the air.  
  
"Yah. Right. Sure. Whatever you say, pal. Keep telling yourself that." Heero said coolly as he got up and walked out of the living room, only to be met by Relena with a huge grin on her face that had touches of something evil.  
  
"MY HERO!" She yelled glomping him. "I had hoped you would tell him off for me. He's been strutting around the house like he owned it."  
  
"But…doesn't he?"  
  
"Shut up!" Taking his hand in hers she shouted in a far too evil way for a pathifist, "LETS ROLL!" And pulled him right out the door" Heero couldn't help but think, *is it to late to go back? *  
  
~*~*~  
  
In the movie theatre  
  
Heero looked over to the very scared girl next to him. She was rather surprised and jumpy since he bought the tickets and seemed rather hesitant to go in the theatre. It was just getting to a scary part when Heero put a hand over hers like Duo had suggested.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!!" Whatever reaction he had expected, it wasn't that! She freaked out. *She was probably scared stupid* A voice said in his head. But before he could say it was only he, she threw her popcorn and soda in the air that she was currently holding and ran out of the theatre. And before people could say "Shhhhh" or keep it down back there," mind they did, the soda and popcorn made a three point landing…on Heero's head.  
  
Standing up, he walked awkwardly to the exit. The soda was dripping all over him and the popcorn was sticking in his hair. He heard people laughing at him. He knew he must look silly, but with his pride taking over he pulled out his gun and shot at the projector in a small window above the crowd, breaking it and cutting off the movie completely.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha!" Heero shouted, sarcastically. He continued to walk up and out of the theatre.  
  
He walked around the building but found no Relena. There was only one place he didn't check yet: the ladies room. As he walked in, many women that saw him screamed and ran out. He could care less. What was important was he find Relena. As he passed stalls and sinks, while getting hit with five different purses, one of them sticking in his hair, the woman slapped him thinking he was trying to steal it and than ripping it off along with a few hairs, he came across a sitting area. He saw Relena look up at him and than back down totally ashamed.  
  
I-I'm s-so s-sorry H-Heero. I-I didn't-m-mean to d-do that." Sniffle sniffle "Y-you just sc- scared me. W-will you forgive m-me?"  
  
"…No…But don't worry, I will in time." Heero said in what he THOUGHT was a soothing voice. Relena looked up, glaring. Heero thought he said something wrong so he added, "I hated this shirt anyway. Duo picked it out for me." Noticing her face light up, (just a little) Heero began to clean his shirt and hair of the movie snack debris.  
  
Relena helped get the popcorn out of his hair and they were now on their way to the door. "So, where are we going to eat, anyway?" Relena asked.  
  
"Le Chambord." Heero answered. (It's a real restaurant but you have to pretend you can dance there ^_^)  
  
"Oh! I've never been there. Sounds fun!"  
  
When they got to the restaurant and were finally being seated after a 45- minute wait, ("I swear I made reservations") they got their menus. Heero had no idea how to read the French language and neither did Relena so they did the next best thing, "Innee meannee minnee mo catch a tiger by the toe..." After careful consideration for their meal, (ahem) they gave the waiter their order.  
  
Relena stared longingly out onto the dance floor. She sighed, hoping Heero get the message, which he did. "Ok, Ok, lets dance!" He said, quite reluctantly.  
  
"YIPEE!" She squealed with delight. Heero took Relena out on the dance floor and began to waltz to the slow-paced music. It was one of those songs where couples danced close together, but Heero was dancing as far away from her as he did when they were 15. "Heero? You can dance a little closer, you know."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because…that's what kind of dance this is."  
  
"How can tell?"  
  
Relena sighed. "Never mind, just never mind."  
  
After the song was over a new song came up. It had a much faster beat and so couples let go and began to dance to the new rhythm. When Relena began to dance to it, she heard Heero mutter, "Forget it" and walk off the dance floor.  
  
Relena slumped over, drooped her eyelids and frowned as she followed Heero of the dance floor, partner-less. As she was walking back to the table, she saw Heero staring wide-eyed at his dish where something grayish, brownish was sitting. She sat down and looked into her own dish and saw the same thing. She looked up at Heero and saw him poking the 'food' with his fork to see if it was alive.  
  
"Um...Excuse me, waiter but can you please tell me what this is." She knew it sounded rude but oh well.  
  
The waiter answered their question with a French word meaning their food. Seeing the couple look blankly at him he sighed. "In English it's how you say…cow tongue." The waiter said with his French accent.  
  
Heero and Relena's mouths dropped open and starred at the waiter who was only smiling, innocently. Both of their eyes traveled from the waiter to the 'food' to the waiter again.  
  
Finally Heero gained control. "No way am I eating this unsanitary waste and neither is Relena." Heero shouted at the waiter making the entire restaurant turn their heads towards them. He stood up and grabbed the waiter by the scruff of his neck and said, "You're going to take back this…this..."  
  
"Cow tongue sir." The waiter said trying to help  
  
"Don't be a smart-ass." Heero yelled in the waiter's face ignoring the looks on everyone in the restaurant's faces.  
  
"HEERO!" Relena gasped. *Not in public, PLEASE not in public. * Relena silently prayed.  
  
"Come on Relena we're leaving" Grabbing her by the wrist Heero dragged Relena out to the door. Relena gave the waiters apologetic looks, while passing, before getting swept out the door.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Hours later  
  
Heero felt terrible. They had just walked out of the police station. His car had been high jacked and to make things worse they had to walk all the way to the phone booth which they found 2 miles away since no one would let them use their phone. On the way Relena's purse had almost been stolen by a guy wearing a mask who jumped out form behind an ally way. Heero was able to shoot the man in the leg but because Relena felt guilty, they had to wait there for an hour for a local to call the police and an ambulance. The date was what most would call…a dud.  
  
Heero saw the entrance to the park he wanted to walk Relena in but thought otherwise thinking they wouldn't come out alive.  
  
"Oh Heero, lets take a walk in the park" Relena said, turning her head to Heero now.  
  
"You sure you want to risk it?" Heero said, realistically. Relena frowned. She almost agreed but she couldn't let this go to waste.  
  
Smiling she said. "Lets stop thinking about the past and start thinking about now. Come on." She gestured him forward to the entrance.  
  
"A few hours ago are what you call the past?" Heero said while walking in after Relena. She rolled her eyes and ignored his question. Taking one of his hands, they walked in peaceful silence to the end of the park.  
  
They saw a bench near a pond and were quite grateful to sit down. Watching the fireflies, Heero wondered what he was supposed to say. 'Come on Yuy think of your training.'  
  
"So...uh…nice night." Heero mentally smacked himself. *Oh that was ingenious. Yah I'm really getting the ball rolling now. * He thought, sarcastically to himself.  
  
Relena decided to humor him "Yah it is." She felt kind of bad, this was probably, 'obviously,' her mind corrected, his first date. 'Looks who talking Miss Former Queen of the world. This is your first freakin' date to!' A nasty voice said in the back of her head.  
  
"I have a confession to make." They both said at the same time. They kept on insisting the other go first and in the end Relena went first.  
  
"See…this is my…er…first, oh he0ck with it, my first date" Relena prepared herself a blow, but was met with silence. She peered over at Heero who was just sitting there staring at her looking un-phased.  
  
"…So?"  
  
"You don't care?" Relena was shocked.  
  
"It's my first date too. But that's not what I was going to tell you."  
  
Still shaking Relena asked, "So, what was it you wanted to tell me?"  
  
Heero bowed his head looking at the ground. He felt so guilty but he knew he had to do the right thing. "Duo and I made a bet. He didn't think I could ever have the guts to ask out a girl and go along with a date. So I wanted to prove him wrong. I confess I used you Relena. But my intention was never to harm you in anyway." He added quickly. " But now that I had this date and no matter how horrible it turned out, I still had a really great time since I was with you." Heero lifted his face to meet her eyes. He was surprised to see a dreamy look in her eyes that made Heero's right eye twitch.  
  
"Oh, Heero!"  
  
"Oh, Relena!"  
  
"Oh, Heero!"  
  
"Oh, Relena!" (Is their a broken record here)  
  
"I love you Heero Yuy!"  
  
Heero's eyes widened to the size of saucers. " I…love you to...Relena."  
  
Relena stared into Heero's eyes with love and happiness, as did Heero's eyes. They brought their lips closer together. They were 6 inches apart, 3 inches, and 1 inch...  
  
  
  
"YUY!!" Heero and Relena jerked their head to the bushes where suddenly Zechs came charging (crawling) out. Heero and Relena stared totally shocked as they watch him run over to him, with no shirt on. "I told you never to touch my SISTER. OH you're dead YUY you're DEAD!"  
  
"Oh. Shut. UP!" Relena said before punching her brother clear clear across the jaw, knocking him out. She turned to Heero who was now looking at her like she had 3 heads. Relena explained. "I've been meaning to do that."  
  
"Just one question. How did he get here?" Heero asked.  
  
"I can answer that." Relena and Heero turned their heads to see Lucrezia Noin walk out from the bushes, fixing her hair. "We came out here on a date and saw those bushes over here and well we...um…well I think you know what I mean. Heehee."  
  
Heero and Relena STILL continued to stare.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Later  
  
Later on, as they finally reached Relena's house, Relena offered Heero to come inside. Denying, Heero said he'd better get back before it got to late. Saying goodbye to Heero, Relena gave Heero a peck on the cheek and a hug, and closed the door.  
  
He walked down the driveway leaping over the dog poop and began his very long walk home.  
  
  
  
He was about 3 miles home when he saw a car pull over in front of him. He poked his head inside the door to be met with the last person he wanted to see right now: Duo. "Hop in buddy." He said, all to cheerfully.  
  
Sighing, Heero accepted and got in. As they were driving home Duo was telling Heero about his date with Hilde and than directed the conversation about Heero's date. "Well lets see," Heero started "I tracked 'mud' in Relena's house, got her brother pissed me, scared Relena half to death when I put my hand on hers, got popcorn and soda in my hair, went into a girls bathroom, got hit with 5 purses, embarrassed Relena by not dancing close to her, didn't dance to pop." Heero stopped only to take a breath. "Almost ate cow tongue, almost killed a waiter, got my car high-jacked, shot a guys leg, got in ANOTHER fight with her brother and walked like ten miles in one night, to put it shortly."  
  
Duo's moth hung open. How was it possible for so many things to go wrong in one night? "Er…good for you buddy..." Duo said, trailing off. "Well don't worry about it pal, almost every first date is crazy like that. It's only a test to see if you can make it together. It will get better on the second date, I promise."  
  
"You know what I just realized though Duo?" Heero asked  
  
"What?"  
  
"It was the best night of my life."  
  
THE END  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ok, people! I finally got my *REVISED* version of "The (ahem) Date done. Now be a sweetie and REVIEW!  
  
Love ya'll,  
  
Sugar Baby 


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